Parenting Choices

I don't want to ditch the pacifier. And I hate pumping.

I'm struggling with both of these realizations right now. My partner and I have been discussing taking away first-born's pacifier since he was six-months old, and we thought 2 would be "it". Well, I started working right after the monster turned two, and I didn't want to stick an exhausted, cranky toddler into childcare. So I decided spring break would be the perfect time to work it out.

But now that spring break is coming up I'm second-guessing myself once again. He loves the darn thing so much, and he's actually fairly good about it. Once he was able to walk we limited the pacifier to bed-only, and to this day he's great about giving it up when he wakes up. We stick it up on his shelf when he's awake, and he only asks for it when he's ready to go to sleep. As soon as he gets up he takes it out of his mouth and hands it to us, and goes on his merry way.

When I'm honest with myself I realize that the pacifier doesn't bother me, and I see no good reason why I should rush him off of it. Seriously, what harm does it do? It makes him happy, it helps him sleep, and it never leaves his bedroom. I am perfectly comfortable packing him off to college with the darn thing.


My other issue is pumping. After the newborn rush I learned to enjoy breastfeeding again. I love cuddling up with my Squishy Love Child, and knowing the benefits of breastmilk makes it even more rewarding. I know that I'm doing the best that I can for my child, and giving him a good head start on things.

But dear god do I hate pumping. I've always been a bad pumper. I might get three to four ounces each time I pump, and Squish goes through 5-10 ounces every time I leave (I am gone twelve hours a week for work). I quickly ran through the stock I started right after he was born, and I'm down to three 5-oz. bags in the freezer, which will last through, well, Friday.

And pumping can make me dread actually feeding the Squish. I usually wait an hour after he eats to pump, and then an hour after that he's ready to eat again. He sleeps so well that he eats every two hours or so during the day, which means putting something to the boob every forty minutes. Not. Enjoyable.

So now I am considering supplementing with formula when I'm out of the house, and it makes me feel so guilty. I didn't want to introduce anything before six months, and he's just five months today. But in the long run I think it may be the best choice. Three to four formula bottles a week certainly won't hurt the little man, and his primary source of nutrition will still be breastmilk. It may help me reach my goal of one-year, too, because I enjoy it so much more when I don't have to pump. I nursed first-born for 9.5 months, and that's my mental-minimum, but I'd like to actually make it through that first year.

Parenting choices are hard, and they're full of uncertainty and second-guessing. In the end it's a matter of doing what's best for our family ... and hoping that it all works out for the best!